"Ako na lang sana... Ako na lang ulit..."

A famous line from a romantic film called "One More Chance". The first time I saw this movie was when it was released in theaters in November 2007. I was with my Mare Cheri. She was so teary-eyed while we were watching it. While I, who was supposedly should the one to cry (because of the break-up with my first ex), was just staring at the movie screen. I want to cry then, but there were no tears forming in my eyes. However, I was really touched by the film's story, the lines, the characters, the music and the songs. That's why I got hooked up by this film.

Because of that, I was inspired to make a script of my own based on my experiences and memories. Well, these are just short conversation between me and a guy from the past. These lines were supposed to be uttered when we were having our serious talk before. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to tell him these things. Here it goes...

We were talking through notepad.
BOY: Gusto mo ba 'ko?
GIRL: Y
BOY: You're not in Grade 5.
GIRL: I know.
BOY: I have a girlfriend.
GIRL: Ok lang. There's a lot of fishes in the sea.
BOY: But, all of them were taken.
I didn't answer.

This is what I should have said.
GIRL: Anong gusto mong mangyari? Maging number 3 mo 'ko? Ok ka lang, dala-dalawa na girlfriend mo, tapos isisingit mo pa 'ko? Sinusuwerte ka naman ata. Ok na sana e. May girlfriend ka lang. Siguro kung tanga ako pumayag ako. Pero siguro kung wala kang girlfriend, e, malamang pumayag talaga ako. ok lang. Katulad ng sinabi ko "There's a lot of fishes in the sea". Pero I don't think na totoo yung sinabi mong "All of them were taken already". Hindi kaya.

Hay, kung sana may lakas ako ng loob para sabihin 'to. As much as I wanted to say "Yes, I do." Ano naman kayang isasagot mo? Sa notepad na nga lang e. Simple lang naman. Ta-type ko at babasahin lang nya. Hindi ko pa nagawa. Sasagot kaya siya? Kung oo, ano naman kayang isasagot nya?

LIVING IT UP!

Today, I'm going to post some of my poems and personal thoughts. I wrote these back in 4th year college during the break up senti moments with my first boyfriend. These notes were written at the back of my notebook in 2007. I hope you enjoy it!


6 December 2007

Learn to smile again.
Learn to laugh again.
Even if it hurts to know the truth,
Learn to live again.
Live happily
Face the fact
If now you're on your deepest
Time will come
You will see yourself at the Everest.

They may pull you down
Then always pick yourself up!
If you fall seven times, stand up eight
Prove to them that you are strong
And someday, you will be great!
Feel the cold in your heart
Make it warm, share it with others
Your family and friends, classmates and schoolmates
They would love to see you smile again ;)

Thank all of them most especially God
'Cause he saved you from the wrong one
For you to meet the right one
Ask for help for you to find "the one"
This time, be wiser if you have found the real one
If you think you've already found him
And he has found you, too
Just relax and take it easy
Never ever rush everything
For you two, to be completely happy!

Happiness is a choice, never a destiny
Do whatever that makes you happy
Life is so much sweet
Make sure you don't miss even just a bit
Enjoy life
Live it to the fullest
Seize the day because each day is greater from day after day after day after day!

SHOOTING STARS

I always thought they were just made from human fantasies
Until I saw one last night, sparkling shining while falling
As I gazed to it, it was really amazing
It was such a special moment that was really long lasting.

Right after then, I quickly made a wish
A simple wish that would make me happy
Now I know that shooting stars are for real
I hope that my simple wish would as well become real.

21 December 2007

HERO/HEROINE

tITLE NAMAN TO NG ISANG KANTA

sYA YUNG SPECIAL SOMEONE MO
aT SPECIAL SOMEONE KA DIN NYA
kUMBAGA,
HERO MO SYA, HERO KA DIN NYA
yOU SAVED EACH OTHER
yOU DO THINGS FOR EACH OTHER
wITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN

@ 0800

Ganun talaga
May dumarating
May umaalis
Kase kelangan
Para matuto
Hindi lahat ng bagay
Aayon sa kagustuhan mo
Kung bumalik man
Tanggapin mo
Kung hindi naman
'Yaan mo
Babalik din yan
Pero wag na wag kang umasa
Wag ka ding maghintay sa pagbabalik nya
Basta mabuhay ka
Kahit wala sya
20 years ka nga na buhay na wala sya e
Ngayon pa kaya?!
Kaya mo yan!
Abutin mo mga pangarap mo
Gawin mo kahit ano, basta gusto mo
At makapagpapasaya sa'yo
Kahit ayaw mo, gawin mo
Para maiba lang
Wag ka mag-alala
Madami ang tulad mo
Hindi ka nag-iisa
Bawat isa ay may katapat
Pana-panahon lang yan.
Tama?!

@ 1700

SUPLADA GURL MEETS SUPLADO GUY

Naging silang dalawa pero sikreto lang ang relasyon nila. 'Til one day, 'yung guy na matagal ng pinagpapantasyahan at pinapangarap ni gurl e nagpropose sa kanya to be his girlfriend. Isa itong moment para sa kanya. Napaka-espesyal na momento kasi first time nya ma-experience ang ganito. TAKE NOTE: SA HARAP NI SECRET BOYFRIEND NAGPROPOSE YUNG GUY OF HER FANTASIES. Di malaman ngayon ni gurl kung ano bang dapat na gawin nya. Parang gusto nyang um- "oo" kase feeling nya magiging mas masaya sya dun sa guy kesa dun sa kulang2 nyang secret boyfriend. Pero somehow, kahit ganun e, mahal nya din naman yung secret boyfriend nya.

... Ano kaya ang susunod na mangyayari? Sino ang pipiliin ni suplada gurl? May gagawin kayang move si secret boyfriend? Seryoso kaya si guy of her fantasies? Sino ba talaga sa kanila si suplado guy? Abangan ang susunod na kabanata...

One day, isang napakasupladang araw dahil umuulan, nagkasabay sa isang supladong jeep (na minameneho ng isang supladong driver na katabi ang kanyang supladang konduktora) ang isang supladang babae na may umupong supladong lalaki sa harapan nya.

23 December 2007

Cry your heart out loud. So that the whole wide world will know that you are existing. Let your heart burst into tears. Release the pain that's inside of you so deep. Let your emotions move freely around the sky. Disregard what others may say and feel. As long as you are happy, do it! Don't be afraid to try out. Enlighten your heart.

24 December 2007

MS. U

Ms. u pag I'm eating
Kasi palagi mo ako inuunahan
At sobrang natutuwa ka pag nauubos ko at pag natatapos ko na ang food ko
Pumapalakpak ka pa nga eh, hehe!
Yehey!

Ms. u before I go to sleep
Kasi dati minimiscol kita before I close my eyes at night.

Ms. u pag may assignments at projects
Kasi kaw ang gumagawa nun
Lalo na pag mga researches
Kasi free ung internet nyo, e!
Libre ako palagi, hehe, minsan pati printing, kaw na din sumasagot.

Ms. u pag may groupwork
Kasi we are dyad
I am the brain while you are the hands.

Ms. u when I'm unlimited sa text o kaya all-text
Kasi ikaw ang katext ko
Minsan pa nga inaabot tayo ng kinabukasan 'til wee hours
Kakatext, wala lang!

Ms. u when I have three-minute call
Kasi kaw palagi tinatawagan ko
Kahit na naghihintay pa ko sa'yo ng hundred years
At magring ng million times ang phone mo bago mo sagutin yung phone

Ms. u when I go home pag nag-aabang ako ng jeep pa-Silang
Kasi you were always on my side
Tapos palagi ka nagmamadali umuwi kasi manonood ka pa ng KOKEY, hehe!
Minsan, di ka umaalis hanggang hindi pa ko nakakasakay o di pa umaalis yung jeep na sinasakyan ko

Ms. u pag may naririnig akong videoke
Kasi batang videoke ka!
Sobrang galing mong kumanta
Ginagaya ka nga ni Erik Santos e,
Idol na idol ka nya!
So much, kaso in-indian ka nya nung isang araw
tsktsk, hehe.

Ms. u when I walk
Kasi you were holding my hands
Or you make me akbay
Pag tumatawid na tayo
Lalo na when it's cold o umuulan.

Ms. u when I buy Plus Apple 'pag I'm thirsty
Kasi kaw ang nagturo sa'kin nun
Ngayon, favorite ko na din apple flavor

Ms. u when I hear love songs
Kase yun mga favorite songs mo
Kinakanta mo yun lalo na yung mga luma, hahaha!

Ms. u when I watch ABS-CBN Ch. 2
Especially ASAP
Kasi I know, you're a Kapamilya, too!

Ms. u when I see Erik Santos, John Prats, Jerry Yan
At marami pang iba
Kasi you say na kamukha mo sila
Pati yung lalaki sa Penshoppe
Sabi mo kamukha mo kahit hindi naman
Pati si Kokey, joke lang! hehehe
Yung iba, oo... wihhh!!! sige na nga,

Ms. u pag Lastikman o Kokey na finish na
Kasi favorite mo sila panoorin
Kasi, "astigin!" - according to you.

Ms. u when I see Heart Evangelista, Maja, Rica, Angel Locsin
Lahat ng pretty girls with long hair
Kasi they are your crushes
Of course, I know!

Ms. u when I crack jokes
Kasi you always tell me I'm corny
Kahit na sobrang natatawa ka naman talaga.

Ms. u when I hear "Kiss Me"
Kasi palagi mo ako niloloko
Pati ung "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"
Since then, never na ko kumanta sa videoke
Kasi nahiya na boses ko sa boses mo
Kaasar ka talaga, kahit kelan!

Ms. u when I do stuff like these
Kasi para saken, it's so much sweet
Pero para sa'yo it's so much corny
You said it once na naaappreciate mo mga paeffort-effort ko na ganito
Wala lang, gusto ko lang gawin
Kasi it makes me happy
Kahit na minsan nagtatampo na ko sa'yo when you said they're corny
Ok lang! I won't stop doing sweet things like these,
Kase I'm sweet. So much, hehe!

Ms. u when you sing
Kase feeling ko, ewan!
Basta hilig ko ang music
I know love mo din 'yun.

Ms. u when you are so yabang
Kasi you give thrill to my life
Kahit na minsan sobrang nakakapikon ka ng talaga
Ok lang para naman minsan hindi boring ang buhay!

Ms. u when I make fun of you
Kasi you're so pikon
I love it pag napipikon ka,
You're cuter, hehe!

Ms. u when I see green
Kasi I know, its your favorite color.

Ms. u when we have different views
Kasi nauuwi sa debate
Lalo na pag sobrang baligtaran talaga mga ideas natin
Kase exciting, e!
Kahit na minsan talo ka na
Pero ayaw mo pa din sumuko
Siyempre, panalo ako palagi! hehehe

Ms. u pag kinukulit kita
Kasi tinetesting ko lang kung hanggang saan ba pasensya mo
Kasi alam kong mainitin ang ulo mo
Minsan sinasadya ko talaga yun
Kasi natutuwa ako sa'yo, hehe!

Ms. u when you stare at me
As if ang ganda-ganda ko!
Tapos bigla kang kikindat
Then you'll flash your killer smile :)
Kunwari lang maganda ako,
Kunwari lang ha! Ikaw kasi,
'Kaw din naman e, kunwari guwapo ka
Kunwari lang, hehe!

Ms. u after every class
Kasi palagi mo ako hinihingan ng powder
Tapos tumatayo ka na din pag tumayo na ako.

Ms. u pag I'm so much arte na
Kasi naasar ka na
Kasi alam kong ayaw mo ng maarte
Alam mo kasi, lahat ng girls may kaartehan sa buhay
Kahit na sya pa ang pinakasimpleng babae sa buong earth
Hinding-hindi 'yun mawawala
Parang "yabang" nyo din yun na mga "boys", ok!

Ms. u when I log-in sa friendster
Kasi palagi ako may comments sa'yo
'Kaw din sa'ken, minsan
Tapos mga message na "la lang!"
Pampam lang! ;)
Like these...

Ms. u when I see Spiderman
Kase yun ang wallpaper sa cellphone mo
Ngapala, nung 25, si Spiderman ang unang-una kong nakita
When I opened my eyes in the morning... la lang!

Ms. u when I eat at 7-11
Kasi dati before we go home
Kumakain muna tayo
Minsan libre mo, minsan ako
Minsan sa'yo yung food, sa'ken drinks
Minsan baligtad, kahit saan,
Sa Mcdo, Jollibee, KFC, J.E, sa canteen sa likod
Basta, 'yun na 'yon!

Ms. u when I see a white flower
Kasi 'yun ang binigay mo sa'ken diba
Alam mo pa ba'yon?
Tinago ko nga 'yun e
Sampaguita daw 'yon sabi ni Mare
Uyyy... sweet. Hehe!
Minsan may pagka-sweet ka din eh, no?! ;)

Ms. u when I have it
The "you know"
Kasi you always make sama to me everytime I buy "it"
Akalain mo 'yun,
Two months na pala di kita nakakasama bumili nun, hehe!

Ms. u when I'm at home
In school where I met you
On the road where we walk
At the mall where we make gala

Ms. u wherever I am
Whatever I do
Whenever I eat, smile, laugh, sleep, walk, everything!
These pages are not enough to say them all

Ms. u because of these
All of these and more
If you would ask me, why?
Ewan ko, basahin mo na lang 'to ng paulit-ulit
Hanggang sa ma-gets mo
Getch?!

26 December 2007

3 september 2010 fri 1251

bakit ka malungkot?
dahil ba sa'kin?

nah--- I don't think so. imposible mangyari yon!

kahit na gusto ko o gusto mong ibalik yung dati.
Mahihirapan na tayo, masyadong ng masakit para mangyari uli ung mga bagay na yun!
Baka mas doble pa pag naulit.
Wag na lang.
Lalo na kung may taong ayaw na ayaw mong masaktan.
Alam ko kung sino yun.
Alam ko rin mga nararamdaman mo ngayon, mga posibleng pwede mong maramdaman sa isang tao na sobrang malapit sa akin at pinagkakatiwalaan ko.

Ayos lang sa'kin yon basta wala ng halong lokohan ang lahat.

Pwede naman tayo mag-usap bilang magkaibigan. Hanggang doon na lang siguro.
Hindi ko na din kaya na magbigay ng mas hihigit pa dun e.

Gusto kong magpasalamat sa'yo
Mas pinatatag mo ang loob ko at mas pinatapang mo.
Salamat! Hanggang sa muling pagkikita...

Now I Know...

3 September 2010

Look at the date
It was supposedly our 9th month today. But due to some reasons, it's not anymore.
Kaya pala, ayos a nakalimot din ako sa wakas! ahahahaha
hay, hindi ko talaga alam gagawin ko. Was he trying to test me if I still remember? Yeah, right! Nice move, lolo. HEHEHE. Does he want to greet me?

nah--- i don't think so!

As much as I want to, I can't.
Now, as much as I want to greet you "Happy Monthsary!" Like what I do before every month since January. I don't know why can't I do and say it anymore? I guess I give up already. As much as I don't want to give up, you gave me reasons to give up. You showed me signs not to hang up.

So, I did. I am not the foolish girl anymore whom I used to be. Because of your pride (to the highest level), you taught me how to have mine (my pride). You gave me the strength to leave you, which before I don't have. You made me realized that our relationship is not worth fighting for, but you know what, before, I am willing to give up everything just for you, just to save us.

Now, it's time to say goodbye. Goodbye to the bad memories and hello to friendship. Don't worry, I'm still here. You can count on me anytime. You can still borrow money from me. Just make sure that you're going to pay for it. Haha. Tell me your secrets and I will keep them as your true friend. I think it's better this way.

I hope that you're happy knowing me as "me".

;p

how r u

I wonder what happened to lolo. It's been a long time since we had our usual conversation. You know, like:
HIM: hyahh-
ME: o musta
HIM: auz naman
ME: mabuti naman
HIM: ah okey-

As you can see, we communicate really boring at times. Sometimes, we were like this, (we talked a little longer) :
HIM: hyahh-
ME: musta
HIM: eto papasok na
ME: o, san?
HIM: di ba sa NAIA
ME: o talaga, kelan pa? di ko alam un a (pretending that i don't know and wowa didn't tell me about it)
HIM: nung 19 pa. kaw musta?
ME: ok naman. may orientation. (at that time, I was on my way to cvg for an orientation)
HIM: ah okey
ME: ok yngatz!
HIM: Okey-

The last time that we texted was like this (me: confused) :
HIM: musta
ME: ok naman. kaw musta?
HIM: auz naman kahit papano
ME: anung kahit papano?
HIM: hindi kasi ako masaya
ME: ha? bakit naman?
HIM: la lang
ME: huy, ok ka lang?
HIM: ang dami ko kasi utang sa'yo
ME: sus, sinisingil ba kita?
HIM: e baka kasi biglain mo ko e wala pa ko pera
ME: e di pag wala, e di sabihin mo wala

I was already irritated at that time, everytime we talked about it. As if he sees me as a loan shark or someone who's so greed for money. Which I am not.

He doesn't know that I am jobless again and I don't bother to tell him. It's like I don't care anymore if he's going to pay me or not. But, I do really hope that he would, even if it would take ages. Especially right now that I badly needed money. Is it because of my pride?

Last night and earlier this morning, he kept on texting me. I'm so sorry but I don't have a load to reply. I just replied through my chikka messenger.
HIM: naka-leave nga ako hindi naman pwede lumabas ng bahay
ME: o musta? bakit naman di ka pwede lumabas ng bahay?
HIM: sick leave ako. may chickenfox* me (chicken pox*)
ME: lagot ka! kelan pa yan? get well soon ^^

Then, I didn't get any reply. I just wonder what was he thinking or does he have anything to say? Or, is there something important that I need to know?

Whatever it is, I don't have the guts to ask him.

Sorry, I give up ;(

iamafailure

A failure
This is how I see myself right now. After failing the very easy 5-day training in Convergys called "Communications and Culture Training or CCT", I felt depressed and so wasted. I wasted money, time and effort. It's a good thing that I'll be getting backpay after almost two months. That's fine with me rather than not getting any.

On the first day, I already felt that I would not pass it. There's just something inside me that pushes myself to go to the training everyday. Imagine, coming from the farthest barangay in Cavite going to Makati. I do remember that I had to wake up at 4am to get ready for it. Get off the house at 5am. Arrive in the office at around 7am. If there is traffic, it would be like 0730 but if the traffic is worst, it's either I would only have 5 minutes left to log-in or I'd be late. Crap! That's what happened on the last day. I got late. On that same day, the trainer told me that I didn't pass the training unfortunately.

Days after that, I just stayed at home. Passed resumes online. Applied to work at home jobs. Luckily, someone noticed my resume. So, he sent me an email, about my interest on the job. We exchanged few emails and assignments. The last email that I got after I passed him the trial assignment is this:

Thank you very much for submitting your trial article.
At this time I have decided to hire someone else. I wish you the very best!

Na----

Okay. Very well said, Sir Na----. Thank you very much for your wish. I wish you all the best, too!

I actually got depressed and frustrated. Until now, I think of the consequences if I didn't accept the immediate offer and waited for my real turn. I feel bad because I should have accepted the offer from the other company.

That's life. If it's not for me, I have to leave it and look for another opportunity.

^___^